Hello and welcome to my blog

Hello and welcome to my blog

This is me! I am an Icelandic horse living in South Shropshire, England. I share my field with My Mare Gydja, also a lovely Icelandic horse and Big Fat Cob who is not Icelandic – or lovely. My Mate Roger and the Woman occasionally turn up to provide extra food or take us for a ramble. My main concern in life is to avoid being trapped in the small paddock (on the spurious grounds that I am too fat) and to escape if I am already in there. Along the way I hope to educate people about the wonders of the Icelandic Horse – and show you where you can get more information

Update: In May 2013 the herd expanded to include The Baby Blondie, another lovely Icelandic horse, though Big Fat Cob didn’t think he was lovely at all at first, and tried to drive him away.

Update: In May 2015 we were joined by Good Boy Jandi who thinks he’s boss horse and everyone thinks is cute. BFC went to live down the road, but we still see him from time to time.

Update: In May 2016 My Mate Roger died suddenly. He is missed but will never be forgotten.

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Getting in the Saddle

When Little Viking Horse recently announced on Facebook how pleased I was with myself for successfully mounting from the ground, I received a lot of requests for more details of the ‘programme” I had undertaken to achieve this, and I am quite happy to share what I did and what I have learned.

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There is good psychology around the suggestion that announcing your goals to the world, or at least your nearest and dearest is a good motivator to help you achieve them, but for some reason I kept my newly found determination to be able to mount my horse from the ground to myself. Maybe I didn’t really know that this was what I was aiming for when I stared ‘the programme’ a couple of months ago, or perhaps I wasn’t sure I could really do it.

After all, in every house I have lived in for the past twenty years or more I have fitted an extra handrail on the stairs because of the tendency for my right knee to give way without warning.

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Added to this I have a weakness in my lower back, perhaps as a result of the whiplash I sustained in a car accident many years ago, and a left hip that hurts if fully flexed, remnants of a serious cycling accident, or just over tight hip flexors? Who knows, but I had a whole list of reasons why I couldn’t mount my 14 hand (142 cm) Icelandic horse without using mounting block, and I was very grumpy about it if any of our imaginative Icelandic Horse events in the UK required ‘mounting from the ground’ as part of a class or test.

Once I had gone through the list of my physical restrictions, and pointed out that my Icelandic horse is taller that most, I then went on to explain that in any case it is better for your horse if you mount from a block, because there is less strain on them. I do actually think this is the case, and I also believe it is important to vary the side you mount from. After all in strength and flexibility exercises great emphasis is put on working both sides of the body equally, so to my mind this should be applied to mounting your horse too.

However I do also think that being able to mount from the ground is an important skill to have, if you can. You never know when it might be necessary, and I am sure I am not the only one to have had walk a while to find something to stand on while out hacking, or to have used a rock that turned out to be less stable than it appeared!

There were three main elements to what I have grandly called ‘the programme’

  • My body
  • My Horse
  • My Mind

My body

In the summer I started attending a weekly yoga class, and a weekly Pilates class. I have done both in the dim distant past, but this time I have approached it with more determination.   As I am getting older I can feel my flexibility and mobility deteriorating and I don’t like it! I pay careful attention to getting the exercises right. If you don’t perform them correctly you do not work the correct muscles and some of the benefit of the exercise is lost. I quickly felt an improvement in my riding and in Svipur’s tolt, which I put down to my improved core strength, and this spurred me on. I increased my sessions to two of each a week. I am not a pilates or yoga instructor and have no qualifications in teaching physical exercises, and more importantly I don’t know what physical issues you may have. If you want to try this approach I recommend finding a good local instructor and working out what you need. Because of my specific physical problems mentioned above I believe the following exercises have been particularly beneficial for me:

Stretches that open the hip joints for example Lunges and Pigeon stretch.

Strengthening my quad muscles and glutes –  for example Pilates Squats (lots of them!) and Bridge.

And finally balance postures, because when you mount you have to stand on one leg!

Getting greater flexibility in my hips, strengthening the muscles that support my back, stronger legs and core to help me up, and improving my balance were all factors in my success. Though I should point out this is still work in progress, in part because of the other two elements, which I am about to come on to.

M Horse

To be able to mount safely my horse needs to stand still, and this is even more important when I am mounting from the ground. with one foot up in the stirrup and hopping on one foot, I don’t need my horse to move as well. Horses can learn to stand still, but it takes consistency in handling and clear boundaries. I know this, because I fail at it often. Svipur (aka Blondie) is more easily distracted than the other two who will stand absolutely still. He has a tendency to fidget when I am getting him ready. He is actually quite good at standing still for mounting, but not 100% and that makes me nervous. Within a few days of me resolving, again, to be more consistent in my expectations of him he was standing perfectly still, tied to the gate in the field while being brushed tacked up. All I did was set the bar higher than before. He can shift his weight and reposition his foot to be more comfortable or balanced, but he can not take a step. If he takes a step I simply and quietly move him back. No big deal, no ‘telling him off’, just light pressure until he steps back. He knows the rules and relaxes. I don’t try to mount until he is standing still and looks like he is going to stay there. If he moves while I am getting on, I get off and do it again. If he moves a lot, I turn him in a circle back the way he came and ask him to stand again. I never ever ride off until he is standing still. If you like riding race horses and enjoy the thrill of hoping on a spinning horse and gathering your reins and balance as you head off, then I guess this blog post is not for you! Personally I don’t want to fall off before I start.

Svipur learns this really well, it is me that needs to stick with the programme!

My Mind

There is no physical reason why I can not mount my horse from the ground. I know that now, because I have done it. Actually I have done it once or twice before at horse clinics. I did find a slope in the ground and placed Svipur downhill to make it easier, and then asked someone to hold Svipur and the opposite stirrup. I was very insistent that I was rubbish at mounting and that they would have to ‘lean hard into the stirrup’ as a hauled myself up. Invariably they told me that they didn’t have to use much pressure at all, but this piece of information got lost in the ‘I can’t do this’ mindset. However, I did on most of those occasions pay with a sharp pain in my hip or a twinge in my back, so ‘I can’t do it’ still won.

Last week a friend came to stay. She happens to also teach Pilates and has some experience with horses. We were talking about the pilates I had been doing and I let slip that my (far off, distant, some time in the future) goal was to mount my horse from the ground. “How high is your stirrup?” she asked, and then looking at the height of my hand scouted my furniture for something of the height indicated. “Put your foot on the arm of the sofa” she said. I have a very large sofa! That was easy, “Now on that table” That was harder, but I did it. “Looks like you are ready to try” she said, “Come on where’s your saddle?”

Readytomount

So that’s how it came about. Of course I insisted she held the stirrup, and that she would have to lean really hard on it, but I got on. I hopped off. “Do it again” she said. Okay, and this time she said she hardly held the stirrup at all. “And again” she said. What? Oh, ok. This time she put her hands on the front and back of the saddle and even I could see she wasn’t pulling on it. On my own I would not have tried that day. On my own I would not have done it again, twice, to prove to myself that I could. In the end sharing my goal with someone else gave me the final push to achieve it.

As I said, it’s work in progress. I went riding two days later and struggled to mount to begin with. It felt physical but I am sure it was all in my mind. I have to really commit and believe that I can do it, and I have to trust my horse. With my increased strength and flexibility I do not need to worry about hurting myself, just as long as I keep up the exercises. Now I find myself doing Pilates squats while waiting for my eggs to boil in the morning, five and half minutes – every little helps!

A few of us in the Icelandic Horse community are planning to have a workshop on mounting from the ground, which I have agreed to organise. That should keep me focussed on practicing what I preach!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the Ashes

When I went to bed on Sunday 6th August I was full of good intention for the next day. An update on the Little Viking Horse website was long over due, and I wanted to commit some serious time over the next week to working on my first children’s book, a fictional account of the early life of Little Viking Horse. A sort of modern day Black Beauty, with humour, Icelandic horses and a touch of National Velvet. Instead I was woken just after 1am by an explosion. Still half asleep I scrambled out of bed and poked my head through the bedroom curtains. My Land Rover was in flames. Not just a small fire, there were huge flames leaping eight or ten feet into the air, certainly higher than the height of my horse trailer that was parked right next to it. As I stared in disbelief there was another explosion. I phoned 999 for the fire service, and then could only watch as first my Landy, and then my trailer were destroyed.

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The view that greeted me from my bedroom window at 1am

The horses had taken themselves to the other side of the field, but I could hear one of them, probably Fleygur, making anxious nickers. I spoke to them and they settled.

My Land Rover defender had belonged to my husband, who died very suddenly last year. Since I lost my soulmate Roger, I have focussed on being positive, making my Plan B as good as I can, and the horses are part of that journey, one that have shared periodically on this blog, and on Little Viking Horse’s Facebook Page.  Over this year I have worked hard to overcome my anxiety about towing the horses on my own, and had just got this cracked.

I sobbed as I watched my Landy and trailer burn, along with many personal possessions that held sentimental value for me. It disturbed me the the fire was arson, probably a failed attempt at trying to steal the Landy. Someone had removed the doors and seats and set fire to it, presumably to cover their tracks. Such a waste of an iconic vehicle. I say that not because I was sentimental about it, but because, despite their popularity Land Rover Defenders are no longer in production.

 

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The Iconic Land Rover Defender, almost nothing was left after the arson attack

Selfish, thoughtless destruction, deliberate. Without a thought for others. What if it had been closer to the house? What if…..what if…… But it was not. Whilst it was distressing to watch, and some of what I have lost can not be replaced, I nevertheless was determined not to be defeated by this. ‘It was just a car’ I told myself. No-one was hurt, the horses are safe, and still my Plan B is a good one. I am fortunate compared to many, and after posting about the fire on Facebook I was heartened by the kindness of others yet again. People I did not know sent me good wishes and encouragement. I even had offers of horse equipment, CCTV, a gift voucher to ‘treat myself,’ and a complete stranger offered to transport my horses anywhere I needed to go whilst I got myself sorted. I appreciated all of the support I was offered, whether I needed it or not, the kindness of people shone through.

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Svipur kept going back to inspect the trailer

So I got to work replacing what I could, with firm plans to attend the remaining summer events with the horses.

My confidence in many areas took a knock when I was suddenly without Roger. Along with over coming my fear of towing this year, I have worked on overcoming my anxiety about riding, and I am finally making some good progress. Now when I arrive home from a ride, my overriding feeling is not one of ‘phew I made it”, but one of satisfaction, or even sorrow that I am back so soon. It’s a good feeling, and being able to ride and and enjoy Roger’s feisty Fleygur (aka LVH) is a real joy.

 

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Enjoying a ride on Roger’s Feisty Fleygur

I just hope I can continue this when I take Svipur (aka Blondie on the Facebook page) to the final Show of the season in September. I have been pleased with our progress this year, and we even managed to win a second place rosette in a Four Gait* class at the Icelandic Horse Festival and British Champions in June. Not bad for a horse that couldn’t trot.

*Icelandic horses are naturally gaited. In addition to walk, trot and canter, they can tolt, and some can perform a gait called flying pace. These five gaited horses can sometimes struggle to establish trot. The Four Gait class requires you to show walk, trot, tolt and canter.

 

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Svipur’s trot is work in progress

So my intentions of last week, to share with you more details of how Svipur and are working on improving his trot, and of how I have worked on my anxiety, were overtaken by events and will have to wait for a future post. The fire and the aftermath shocked me, and writing my book was stalled as well, while I sorted the mess. But now I am ready to begin again.

The 2017 Icelandic Horse World Championships – what’s it all about?

An Icelandic Horse fan from GB attending the World Championships, has sent this explaination of the classes, and the names of the riders taking part. A small group of dedicated fans are there to cheer on Team GB. More information can be found on the Icelandic Horse Society website. 

The Icelandic World Championships 2017 are currently being held in Oirschot, Netherlands and we, Great Britain, have sent a team over!As of 2016 there were 21 countries registered with FEIF (the International Federation of Icelandic Horse Associations ) with Iceland having 97,995 Icelandic horses, Germany have 50,060, Denmark have 38,944 and in comparison, Great Britain have 984 horses, so to send a team to compete was a huge achievement!

Only one horse per rider is allowed in the World Championships sport competitions.

A national sport team at World Championships for Icelandic Horses can comprise of up to 7 rider/horse combinations and a reserve

There are a number of tests that are included in the World Championships with breeding assessments as well as Sport. I have given an explanation below of what each sport test is about along with the names of the GB team competing in each test.

 FOUR GAIT V1

This test is performed on the oval track. The riders compete individually. The test can be ridden on either rein. The rider has four and a half rounds to show the following gaits in any order:

• slow tempo tölt

• slow to medium speed trot

• medium walk

• slow to medium speed canter

• Fast tempo tölt

Each gait may be shown only once, walk for a half round and the other gaits for one round.

Marks: The five judges use a scale of marks per section from 0 to 10, with half points. The highest and lowest mark are disregarded. The final score calculated is the arithmetic mean of the three marks.

Team GB riders in this were:

Freija Glansdorp – Ljóri frá Efri-Rauðalæk

Sandy Carson [YR] – Svava fra Bakkeholm

James Boás Faulkner – Flans frá Víðivöllum fremri
 F1 FIVE GAIT

This test is performed on the oval track. The riders compete individually. The test can be ridden on either rein. The rider has four and a half rounds to show the following gaits in any order:

• Slow to medium speed tölt

• Slow to medium speed trot

• Medium walk

• Slow to medium speed canter

• Racing pace

Each gait may be shown only once, walk for a half round and the other gaits for one round. The racing pace is shown on the long sides only. The marks for tölt and pace will be doubled.

Marks: The five judges use a scale of marks per section from 0 to 10, with half points. The points for tölt and racing pace count double. The highest and lowest mark are disregarded. The final score calculated is the arithmetic mean of the three marks.

Team GB rider in this was:

Mike Adams – Kafteinn frá Kommu
T1 TOLT TEST

This test is performed on the oval track. Combinations entering this class are excluded from other tölt tests. The riders compete individually.

Sections

Begin at the middle of the short side and ride one round in slow tölt on either rein. Return to walk at the middle of the short side and change rein

From the middle of the short side ride one round in slow tölt, lengthen stride distinctly on the long sides

From the middle of the short side ride one round in fast tölt

Marks: The five judges use a scale of marks per section from 0 to 10, with half points. The highest and lowest mark are disregarded. The final score calculated is the arithmetic mean of the three marks.

Team GB riders in this were:

Mike Adams – Kafteinn frá Kommu

Jemimah Adams – Noi från Brösarpsgården

James Boás Faulkner – Flans frá Víðivöllum fremri
PP1 – PACE TEST

The pace test combines style, skill and speed. All combinations have two runs to show their best.

Start

As soon as the starting flag is raised, the horse moves off at walk, trot or tölt. Between the starting line and the 25 meter mark, strike off in canter from any gait. Between the 25 meter mark and the 50 meter mark change into racing pace. On the 50 meter mark time keeping starts at a visual signal. After the 150 meter mark and before the end marker at 200 meter, the horse has to have returned to tölt, trot or walk. For high marks the horse shall have returned to walk. The average of the marks of two runs decides the placing. In case of equal marks the marks given by the judges will decide the winner. In case the marks for the first place are equal a tie break has to be performed.

Judging

Six judges are required; they score openly from 0-10 with half points: the first judge judges the strike off at canter and the changeover into pace; the second judge judges the pace between the 50 meter and 100 meter mark; the third judge judges the pace between the 100 meter and 150 meter mark; the fourth judge judges the downward transition between the 150 meter marker and the end of the track at 200 meter.

The starter indicates with a red flag if the horse is not in pace at the 50 meter mark; At the 150 meter mark a judge will show a red flag is the horse is not in pace when crossing the 150 meter line. The judges choose their places in order to get the best possible view over their respective areas. When the horse has passed the area concerned, judges one to four show their marks. If the horse falls out of pace during the timed section, the relevant judge(s) show(s) a red flag and no marks for time shall be given. A maximum of 40 points for style and a maximum of 20 points for time can be obtained according to the table of marks. The final sum is to be divided by 6.

No Time

If a horse gets the mark 0 from judge 2 or 3 and/or a red flag from the judge at the starting line or the judge at the finishing line, there will be given no scores for the time. Combinations receiving “0” from three judges in the first run of PP1 are now allowed a second run.

GB riders in this were:

Mike Adams – Kafteinn frá Kommu

Aidan Carson [YR] – Óðinn from Inchree – Youth Rider 

 

T2 – TOLT TEST

This test is performed on the oval track. Riders compete individually. The rider has three rounds at his disposal to show the following gaits in the following order:

• Any speed tölt

• Slow, steady and calm speed tölt. Return to walk and change rein

• Slow to medium speed tölt, holding both reins in one hand clearly showing no rein contact with the horse’s mouth

Each section may be shown only once, for one round. The marks for section 3 will be doubled. Marks: The five judges use a scale of marks per section from 0 to 10, with half points. The points for the free rein count double. The highest and lowest mark are disregarded. The final score calculated is the arithmetic mean of the three marks.

GB riders in this were:

Sandy Carson [YR] – Svava fra Bakkeholm – Youth Rider

Ann Savage – Lipurtá frá Hóli II

Freija Glansdorp – Ljóri frá Efri-Rauðalæk

 

P1 – PACE RACE- 250 meter

The pacerace over 250 meter is ridden on the pacetrack. This P1 is a pure speed test in which the combinations race against each other after a start out of the start box.

Before the first run, lots are drawn in order to set the starting order. In the second to the fourth run, those riders start together who’s finishing times in the previous heat were nearest to one another. This means that the first starting group will be composed of the up to then slowest horses, the second group of the second slowest etc. If equal starting groups cannot be formed, the slowest group always starts with less horses, if necessary individually. If several horses are not rated, allocation of the horses to the starting groups will be decided by drawing lots.

Once the startboxes open, the combinations ride to the 50-meter point in a gait of choise. From that point until the finish, the horse has to be in pace.

Four runs are held but never more than two per day.

GB riders in this were:

Charlotte Cook – Sæla frá Þóreyjarnúpi

 

Time and Feel – part two

When I wrote my last blog back in July 2016 I intended to follow it up shortly after with some more of my story with Fleygur through the summer, but somehow the months have slipped by. I have missed the writing, it is cathartic for me and I thought often about what I would write, but it never made in on to the page. It is now nearly ten months since Roger died and I know that time alone is not enough to heal the pain of the loss. I have been on a journey over those months, one that I never would have chosen but nevertheless one that has taught me so much about me, those around me, loss, grief and resilience. I have had to consciously acknowledge and work on my feelings as I process my loss and make sense of my life.

Throughout last year I determinedly continued with all of the things that Roger and I had planned with the horses. I attended a riding clinic in May where I rode Roger’s horse in what would have been his lesson; entered Svipur in The British Icelandic Horse Championships in June, where I won the Elementary Tölt trophy that Roger had won two years earlier; took Fleygur and Jandi on a summer holiday to the Gower in South Wales; attended the ‘Icelandic Horse Summer Camp’ in August; and finally the Autumn Show at Oakfield Farm where Jandi and I won the Fancy Dress Class!

I progressed from being picked up, emotionally and physically by my wonderful friends in May and June, through quiet calm support and towing tips from my Dad in July, to packing loading and towing four hours on my own in September. Life had to go on and I did it with all the determination I could muster.

Fleygur and I on holiday, Rhossili Bay, South Wales

In August a house with a small paddock came up for sale in our village, and long term I couldn’t stay where I was as it was a short term rent. ‘When I am ready’ I said, ‘that is the sort of place I need to be’. It was near to the field I lease from the Church and I would have the support of my friends in the village nearby and the community in which Roger and I made our home. Then I realised, this was not just the ‘sort of place’ it WAS the place. So in October I moved home as well.

I had been back at work since June in a demanding senior job with lots of change and I wondered quite where my strength came from. I waited for the moment I would crash and burn. I knew I must be exhuasted but somehow I kept going. In that time I thought a lot about resilliance, where does it come from, how do you nurture it? It seems to me that resilience is to be gained from rooting yourself in your values and beliefs, your purpose, why you are here and why you do what you do. But its not just about looking back, it is also about looking forward with optimism to the future, or if you can’t manage to be optimistic at least with determination to get where you want to be and achieve your dreams. I like to think of it as a tree, putting down strong roots and reaching up with new leaves on its branches. Of course accepting what is and what can not be changed is a pre-requisite for this and an extract from what is commonly known as the Serentity Pray sums this up well,

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

My life with Roger is gone and I can not change what is, so I have to make the best of what I have. I am reminded often of a story told by Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, whose husband died suddenly just over a year before Roger. She talks about a time she wanted her husband to be there for her and the children and was crying to a friend. He said, ‘Sheryl Option A is not available so we are going to kick the shit out of Option B’. And this is what I am trying to do, in the knowledge that my option B, as painful as it is without Roger to share it with, is a pretty good one and in that I am fortunate. I have my home, my health, my family and friends, and of course my horses.

What about those lovely horses?

So what about those lovely horses? How was the rest of the year with Fleygur? Those of you who follow the Facebook blog will know that I have been riding him, and that in general things went pretty well. I focussed a lot on keeping him calm and spent a lot of time walking him with just short sections of slow or medium tölt.  If he got too much I just got off and walked, the aim was to stay calm, him and me, it was not a battle of wills. We had a few little incidents, usually when riding in company where once something set him off he could be difficult to stop but I used the one rein stop where it was safe to do so and as my reactions and riding improved I learnt to sit deep and use my seat and body to ask for the stop. I also found someone in the village who was a good match for Fleygur, a calm, secure rider and this meant I could ride the other horses too. My bond with Fleygur grew strong, this feisty little horse, that I would have never chosen for myself, I think had begin to see me as his!

However as winter progressed work got busy and the weather got worse. Finding the time energy and motivation to ride got hard. I rode most weeks, but usually only once and although the I am sure the horses didn’t mind hanging about in the field, they really didn’t get the work they needed. More than once I thought that Roger would have been telling me I was mad to keep all four horses on my own. My confidence started to diminish, not just the riding but in my decisions about the horses care. The less I rode the more confidence I lost. Then a few weeks ago I fell off Jandi and was winded and badly cut my hand. I have continued riding but that knocked my confidence further and as Spring kicks in I know the horses will be full of beans, or rather Spring grass!

So what am I to do? Get help, that’s what.  Roger always said this to anyone who was having a horse issue, and it is good advice. I have booked into all the Icelandic horse clinics I can, put all the shows in my calendar and am arranging for some experienced friends to come and ride with me and help me get all horses out and ridden. We all have confidence issues from time to time and I will get this sorted – there’s that optimism and detminination again. I can’t let my feisty pony down now can I?

My Feisty Pony

In February I left my job, not because I had crashed and burned but because the time was right. I will still be working but in a more flexible way and I hope that this will give me time to explore my other passion of writing. I will have more time to blog about my journey with the horses, and who knows some Little Viking Horse stories or a book may appear too!

This last ten months have contained more significant and stressful life changes than I could have ever imaged but still, here I am, ‘kicking the shit out of option B’.

Time and Feel. Part one – The British Championships 2016

It’s the end of July, almost three months since Roger’s death and my feelings are still raw. Roger was such a big character, full of love joy and energy and the silence created by his continued absence is almost deafening. I miss his love and support in almost every aspect of my life and not least his encouragement and challenge in building our understanding of our horses and my abilities as a horsewoman.

Having decided early on to keep all four of our horses I made it my business to get on with things in my day to day life and with the horses, keeping to the commitments we had made together to attend a clinic for lessons in May, the Icelandic Horse British Championships in Dorset in June and our summer holiday with horses on Gower in South Wales in July.

None of this has been easy and although I have found purpose and some enjoyment my joy is lacking and I have cried a lot. I have cried more that I thought was possible and in a way I have never experienced before, from deep within my being and perhaps more wailing than crying. Not enough time has yet passed for the sharpness of the pain to diminish but nevertheless returning to work, getting on with life and working with the horses has been the right thing for me and what I know Roger would have wanted for me.  I am not so sure he would have recommended keeping all the horses though; in fact if I am honest I am sure he wouldn’t have. He was far less sentimental than me about the horses and would have mostly likely have said I should be more realistic and reduced to two, ‘every horse needs a job’ he said and I won’t have time to ride them all properly. He would have been right but I am stubborn as well as sentimental and he knew that too.

In my last blog I wrote about taking Svipur and Fleygur to the clinic in May. Fleygur had thrown in some surprises and had been reluctant to go forward. With the help of the trainer, Karen I figured that he was confused by my signals and tension and that I had to develop a new relationship with him. So over the next few weeks I paid attention to Fleygur, knowing that he was by nature an anxious horse who didn’t like change and not knowing how Roger’s sudden absence and the change in his routine might be effecting him. I rode him out with friends and on my own but focussed on keeping the rides very quiet, mostly walking and if tölting then only away from home and slow or medium speed never fast. If he became too wound up at any point I would just get off and lead him until he was well and truly calm before remounting. On most rides this meant that I walked the last section home to ensure he arrived home quiet and relaxed.

I had told myself that I would probably have to walk him in hand a lot for at least three months to manage my own expectations and I told everyone I rode with that this was my plan to manage theirs! I set myself this minimum time so that I didn’t rush things or give up before my plan had any chance of working. I also changed one of Roger’s habits and stopped giving the horses a feed when we got back from a ride. Roger use to ponder about whether this was a contributory factor in Fleygur’s rush to get home and I figured they didn’t need it nutritionally during the summers months anyway so there was no harm in dropping the practice. Okay it was a ‘nice to do’ thing and Roger had described it as a treat not a necessity so in this I went for the practical option and cast Roger in the role of the sentimentalist.

I didn’t ride as often as I had meant to. Returning to work was exhausting and even though I had the light in the evenings I often didn’t have the energy to ride after arriving home and getting everything else done , including having to fix the electric fencing multiple times after Svipur had broken it down, or repair yet again Jandi’s sweet itch rug after he’d torn it rubbing. There was more than one occasion when I wondered about taking up one of the offers I had to take some or all of the horses to ease my burden. I thought about it but I didn’t do it.

I did begin to notice small changes in Fleygur though. He greeted me more noticeably in the field and I got more and more direct eye contact from him, and I even had one or two rides where he remained calm and steady through out. That felt good, but I reminded myself that this was what Fleygur could be like sometimes Roger would say he was ‘Mary Poppins’ meaning ‘practically perfect’ of course, and other times he would be wound up like a spring and it was rarely possible to identify a clear reason for the difference. I will return to my journey with Fleygur in part two of this blog post.

When a horse really looks you in the eyes, you know you have his attention. If you are lucky, you will have his cooperation. If you pay him attention too, you will have his loyalty.

When a horse really looks you in the eyes, you know you have his attention. If you are lucky, you will have his cooperation. If you pay him attention too, you will have his loyalty.

The British Championships were fast approaching and I had to decide what I was going to do. The last Show in May was just one week before Roger died. We had a great time as always and had been discussing which horses and which classes to enter at the BCs. It was going to be a big deal for me just turning up, never mind deciding what to enter, transporting the horses, camping on my own, competing the whole deal, but not for the first time members of the Icelandic horse community in Britain made sure I was not allowed to drift away. I was supported in my preparation, encouraged and even collected – me and the horses and driven to and from the Show, nearly four hours from where I live. I was fed, hugged and supported every step of the way.

I decided to keep things simple and entered Svipur in the elementary tölt class. This is the class where I failed to qualify for the final at last years BCs and the class that Roger won with Fleygur two years ago. It was a lovely trophy that sat proudly on our sideboard for that year and I had told Roger it was my goal to win it as well so that both our names could be on the same trophy.

Roger with the Elementary Tolt Trophy in 2014

Roger with the Elementary Tolt Trophy in 2014

Roger, worried that I would be disappointed tried to manage my expectations by telling me about all the up and coming riders and horses and urging me not to pin my hopes on wining it. I knew there were two mini shields left on the trophy and that meant just two more British Championships where I could realise my dream. Although I told no one, this was the reason I entered that class this year. I wanted to win the trophy with Rogers name on.

To accompany Svipur I took Jandi, for the experience and because I thought I might enter him in the Track and Trail class, the only class that can be entered up to the day of the show. This was the first show that Fleygur would not be at and I didn’t take him for two main reasons. Firstly as I have said before he was at his most difficult at shows and Roger and I often spoke of retiring him from competition as it was clearly very stressful for him. I didn’t think there would be anything to be gained in terms of my building my new relationship with Fleygur by over facing us both in this way. To go from a remedial programme of walking a horse for three months, ‘oh except for the bit where I compete him on the track’ in something that both he and I will find stressful would be nothing short of crazy. I also just didn’t think I would be able to control him on the Oval track and the last thing I needed at this point was a set back, for either of us.

The Show was hard emotionally though it was good to be among friends and people shared stories and spoke of Roger often. I cried as I prepared Svipur for the qualifying class and when we qualified in first position. I worked on my relaxation, knowing that in all previous years my performance on the second day in the finals was always worse than in the qualifying rounds and there was no doubt that this competition had a higher stake for me than any before. I entered Svipur in the Track and Trail class that evening because it would give me another chance to tölt him on the Oval track and because I had worked on obstacles with him and so I thought the class would be fun! We did a great tölt but were completely useless in the obstacles and finished up coming last,  pretty embarrassing for a co-founder of the event but it didn’t matter I laughed all the way round and had a great time. I had offered a friend the chance to ride Jandi but to my surprise he was really playing up, napping and not wanting to be separated from Svipur so we were about to withdraw him when one of the British Team members, Charlotte Cook offered to ride him, be my guest I said. He performed terribly on the track but despite his reluctance Charlotte and Jandi did a cracking round on the obstacles and won the class. In the evening Charlotte was presented with the new trophy for this event The Roger Bax Award and she immediately gave it to me, as the owner of the winning horse to keep for the year. Of course I cried again. There are six more mini shields to be engraved so I have six years to win the Roger Bax Award myself!

Finals day arrived. I got ready in plenty of time and could feel that Svipur was more relaxed than the previous day which was good; a relaxed horse produces a better tölt, as does a relaxed rider. The judge’s comments from the previous day had said I needed more impulsion and I wavered about whether or not to ride with a stick. I don’t usually at home and although most people do in competition I find that I am more balanced and even in my riding if I do not and I use my hands more effectively, at the last minute I decided to go in without. At the end of the first round of the Oval track I was not completely happy with my performance and when I heard the scores I knew that unless I improved they would not be good enough to win.

Riding in the final

Riding in the final

I needed impulsion and to worry less about holding Svipur back, he needed to be able to find the speed he was comfortable with and carry himself and I must not inhibit him through my nervousness, so as we started the second round I urged him on with my legs and my core letting him go forward and felt his back end lift beneath me. I knew now all I had to do was stay relaxed and keep encouraging him forward and use my hands as lightly as possible. It felt so much better and I allowed myself to smile.

We were all called for a tack check at the end of the class and as soon as I dismounted I was in floods of tears as the emotional tension broke. Tack checked completed, recomposed and remounted we awaited the scores. We had won.

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I will brush over the playing of God Save the Queen after the rosettes were awarded, as I know this new gesture was meant kindly and my friends were mouthing to me that they had asked for the Welsh anthem to be played, but suffice to say that as someone who is passionate about being Welsh and not a supporter of a monarchy it was a bit like when the South Korean flag was shown in the 2012 Olympics when it was North Korea who were playing, although probably a bit less likely to cause an international incident.

Roger would have laughed so.

 

In ‘Time and Feel – Part Two – Holiday in Wales’ I will write more about my journey with Fleygur and inspiration from one of Roger’s favourite horseman.

Saying goodbye and new relationship with the same horse

Saying goodbye and new relationship with the same horse

In my last blog I wrote about starting a new journey with Fleygur, without Roger. It was an easy thing to write after all I knew pretty quickly that I could not stand the thought of parting with Roger’s horse, but the emotional reality this week was hard, really hard. I struggled to cope with the necessary financial forms that had to be completed notifying the various authorities of my ‘change in circumstances’, and my emotional exhaustion made it hard to motivate myself to do anything, even to ride. I meant to, every day I said ‘today I will ride’ but I didn’t. Still the horses provided me with comfort as I knew they would and just visiting with them, spending some quality time and thinking about the new journey I am on with them all helped to keep me going and focus on the positives.

I remain overwhelmed by the responses I have had to Roger’s death (those are still the hardest two words to write) both from those who knew us and those who knew of us through this blog. I have had many messages of support and comfort and again I thank you for these. I want to assure everyone who has contacted me that I am receiving a huge amount of support from family, friends, neighbours and work colleagues, both practical and emotional. My loss has sharpened my need to write and I have chosen in this blog to focus on my journey with the horses and their part in my coming to terms with my loss, because this blog is essentially about the horses and our passion, Roger’s and mine for the Icelandic horse and my intention to share our learning and experiences with others. I know there are many facets of grief that I will have to deal with but they will not all feature here. I felt I needed to say this, to reassure those who have expressed concern for me and to be clear that the Little Viking Horse blog will remain essentially about the horses and what we can learn from them.

I say ‘our passion’ and ‘our learning’ still because in addition to my memories of our many conversations about our horses I have Roger’s note books where he recorded his thoughts and ideas as he sought to become a better horseman.

So with all that said I will return to the lessons I learned from the horses this week.  I did not ride all week, but I did spend time with the horses. Gydja is on painkillers daily for her arthritis and so daily I needed to bring her in for a feed. I have long been able to lead Gydja with no halter just cupping my hand under her chin but now that she has discovered that there is a feed at the the end of our stroll together I do not need my hand either. At first Jandi and Svipur would try to get ahead of Gydja or block us at the gate to try to secure the food for themselves, but I was firm with them making them back up away from me and now just a gesture is needed, mostly, to check them and keep them in line. It very satisfying see them all trooping behind Gydja and I now they have learned their proper place!

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Repetition and consistency, especially consistency will be important in my being able to handle four horses at liberty in the field. Icelandic’s are known for being ‘biddable’ on the ground and generally having good manners but these still have to be taught and maintained. It is very easy to create a pushy nippy horse and I have had to curb my natural inclination to give treats all the time for this reason.

I also thought about developing my relationship with Fleygur, of course he is the same horse but we need a new relationship. He is the most intelligent of our horses, learning very quickly but he is also the most anxious and was closely bonded with Roger quietly watching his every move and I did not know how all this was effecting him. So I decided that each time I went to the field I would greet Fleygur first and say goodbye to him last, usually with a scratch on his favourite itchy spot. Over just a few days he was more visibly acknowledging me when I entered the field and I was getting more direct eye contact, though one day I did catch him looking over my shoulder directly at the front door of our house – perhaps looking for Roger, who would have usually arrived after me?

At the weekend I attended a clinic that Roger and I had booked onto some weeks ago, my first time away from home since losing Roger. Friends kindly collected two of the horses for me and rather than camp as Roger and I would have done I was invited to stay in the house. These things made it possible for me to go though I won’t pretend it was easy. I cried as I packed, cried when the horses marched up to meet me when I arrived, cried before I got on Fleygur for the first lesson that would have been Rogers, and cried some other times too. I missed Roger hugely, and on Saturday lunch time missing that I could not share with him what I had learned that morning I took some time on my own and cried some more as it dawned on me ‘Oh my god, this is forever’. Feeling the need to hear Roger’s voice I read through some of his musings about the challenges Fleygur presented in his note book and thought back over my lesson.

It had started well, Fleygur is a forward going horse, very forward, and over the last year Roger had worked on improving his walk, getting him to stretch forward and down and walk in a more relaxed fashion. Karen, the trainer commented on how improved his was but then as I asked him to walk on a smaller circle he just stopped and wouldn’t move forward. I turned him and we tried again. He stopped. I backed him up and tried again and again he stopped. Was he testing me? I was more assertive and as I became more insistent with my signals to walk on he became more agitated, but he wouldn’t go forward. This was completely unlike Fleygur something was wrong. I was riding in my own saddle, a treeless Solutions saddle, could it be that? We took the saddle off, checked everything we could think of popped it back on and I tried again. He stopped. As I explored the problem with the trainer we realised part of the problem. Same horse, but different relationship, different rider…. different signals!

Out on on hack it didn’t matter, he was secure and knew the job well enough that some blurry signals didn’t get in the way but in the school out of his comfort zone, and mine, the accuracy of my cues became more important. I had been giving him mixed messages, my voice and my rein aide and the tilt of my body said ‘walk on’ but my seat said ‘stop’ and if in doubt Fleygur stopped. Not a bad default position. The problem was my tension possibly combined with the saddle I was riding him in where I could feel his back muscles and he could feel every bit of the tension in my seat. Roger had taught Fleygur an excellent stop using his seat alone, sometimes backed up with a voice command. If Fleygur did not stop on the button he was asked to back up six steps and the exercise was repeated. Instead of being more insistent I breathed out and consciously relaxed my seat and asked for the walk on again, bingo! For the afternoon lesson I swapped back to Roger’s saddle, a Trapezius (flexible panel) saddle, and concentrated on staying relaxed. This produced much better results but equally it was clear to me that forming a new relationship with Fleygur as my riding horse and building his confidence in me was going to take time.

The next day Fleygur was offered the opportunity of some downtime, as I rode Svipur in the lessons, but instead he choose to protest being left in the paddock on his and and charged around the place shouting and working up a bit of a sweat even though Svipur and I were in plain view all the time. I was pleased with Svipur’s performance and received positive feedback on my riding and our progress since the last clinic last year.

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It was a tough decision to attend this clinic on my own but I am glad I did. I was surrounded by people who knew Roger and we talked about him often over the weekend. It was a supportive place to be and kept me connected with the community of Icelandic horse owners in the UK where Roger and I made many new and good friends.

Today we celebrate Roger’s life and bid him farewell and the horses will be part of this too. In writing this blog I have asked for nothing in return I just wanted to share our passion and experiences with our horses that others may enjoy and learn from them with us. In response to Roger’s untimely and sudden death I have received many messages from around the world and know that our stories, Roger’s, mine and the horses have reached many people, and some have asked if there is anything they can do.

Roger was a passionate and caring man and he cared deeply for those suffering as a result of conflict in the world, where ever they were. After he died I found an unposted cheque in his bag made out to the British Red Cross in response to their Syria Crisis appeal. Roger was very fussy about who he gave money to and careful with our money so I know this cheque was not written lightly. I have therefore have set up an page with the British Red Cross and if anyone wishes to make a donation in memory of Roger they can do so here http://www.redcross.org.uk/rogerbax

Thank you

 

We need to talk about Fleygur

We need to talk about Fleygur

I have always known that being with the horses has been an important part of my relaxation and stress management but more than this, and particularly since owning my own horses I have come to realise how much there is to learn from just being with them. In striving to be a better horsewoman I have paid more and more attention to the subtleties of their behaviours and looking for that ‘gentlest touch and slightest try’ (Ray Hunt, much quoted by Roger Bax!). It hones your feel, reaching for your horses mind and body looking for a connection a way of communicating that brings harmony to your relationship and your riding. It’s quite a quest and I don’t for a minute think I have reached my goal. Roger was the one who loved the schooling and training, I loved to just ride! However Roger and I spent many hours talking about how each of our horses was getting on and being a big reader Roger spent hours and hours reading and we have a bookcase full of horseman and horsewoman wisdom and many DVDs of our favourite trainers. More and more I used horse related analogies when tackling issues at work and I know we were both quite capable of boring others on the subject of our horses but it was an endless source of connection and shared passion for Roger and I.

We were however very different riders. Roger was what I would call a ‘hot’ rider, there was a lot of energy in his riding even though he never appeared to move! .

Roger had more varied and longer experience with horses that I did. He had owned horses most of his adult life, rode with gauchos in Argentina, went to see clinics the States, trained his own western schooled horse and later played Polo. Somewhere between his Western riding and playing polo however he lost some of his gentle touch, sometimes a lot of it!

Roger and Smurf the Polo Pony

Roger and Smurf the Polo Pony

I use to ride Western

I use to ride Western

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

However although he was not short on opinions or afraid to share them he could also be humble. ‘Horses are a lesson in humility’ was a favourite saying and he sought lessons, help and ideas from a range a sources and worked hard on his riding over the years we had together. For the last few years I have watched Roger explore and develop his riding and regain more and more of his gentle touch as he drew back on his Western experience and studied classical riding but he always enjoyed the speed of a powerful horse. For my part I have always favoured quiet horses and can quickly lose my nerve if my horse becomes difficult to handle for some reason. I learned an enormous amount from Roger and he was humble enough to credit me with improving his relationship with our horses and challenging his ‘hot’ riding when I thought it was getting in the way.

So why do we need to talk about Fleygur? Fleygur was Rogers horse. I thought he was mad to buy him. Fleygur had been much loved and well cared for, certainly his weight was better controlled by his previous owner, but when we went to try him he had not been ridden for some time and obviously had separation issues from his mare. When Roger rode him out of the school and away from the mare he was clearly struggling to control him and there was no way I was getting on! However as he didn’t ‘buck bolt or rear’ even under extreme stress Roger decided that there was a good horse underneath all this and so he bought him.

This blog has already documented much of their journey together from scoring 1.8 (out of 10) at his first competition to his later rosette winning and riding in Rogers favourite class the T1 Tolt – the one where he could ride really really fast! A hot rider and a hot horse. But he did also refine his riding and control and I nearly cried one year because I was so proud, when Roger and Fleygur did a really nice Four Gait performace and they looked so good together and not at all out classed.

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The day Roger died we went riding. Roger hadn’t been to the field for a few days as he had been unwell, we thought with flu. As I brought Svipur and Fleygur in from the field with Rogers brother-in-law Roger was waiting at the gate talking to his sister and as soon as Fleygur heard his voice he pricked his ears and nickered to him. Rogers horse.

One of the many things whizzing round my mind that first night without Roger was what to do about the horses. I didn’t see how I could keep them all, it wasn’t practical. How would I keep them ridden and properly cared for and then there was Fleygur. Famous, funny, fiesty Fleygur. I rarely rode him, he was too strong for me. Rogers horse, how could I part with Rogers horse? I couldn’t, but I might have to.

I was inundated with offers of support with caring for the horses, not just from the Icelandic Horse community in the UK but also from people in the village. It was heart warming and my hope grew that in the middle of my grief at losing Roger I was going to be able to keep the horses who I was sure were going to be such an important part of me getting though this.

However  just looking after them was not the issue I was most concerned about. I knew I had to ride Fleygur and soon, I had to know if it might work. It’s not that I haven’t ridden him before but always with Roger and always with the possibility that I could swap back if I needed to. It’s not that I lacked a positive connection with Fleygur, he knew me and I recently taught him to self load into the trailer having had success with Jandi, though with Fleygur I only needed to show him once. I was also reminded by a friend that in the early months of owning Fleygur, when his behaviour was at it’s worst and Roger developed back pain Roger had considered selling him. As a last resort and because I was too sentimental to allow Roger to sell him I offered to ride him and Roger rode my armchair cob, Beanie. For three months I rode only Fleygur and gradually he calmed down. Rogers sister also told me that Roger had said recently to them that I had been the one that had ‘sorted out’ Fleygur initially not him. Maybe I can do it again?

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So this week I rode Fleygur, with a friend who is a trainer and judge as back up! As usual Fleygur was nice and calm on the way out and a feisty little bugger on the way home. We also had a scary moment on the bridleway when two very big dogs ran barking at a gate we passed, the horses coped with this well but when a man popped up suddenly from behind to wall (to apologise for his dogs!) both horses decided to try and leg it. Fleygur turned and tried to run and for a brief moment I thought this was it, I was about to be in a head long bolt on a horse that was too strong for me, it was not going to work.  Then I remembered the one-reign stop. My emergency break. Roger had been teaching the horses this in recent months and had made me practice it. I dropped my right rein and pulled the left in a straight line back to my left hip, moved my left leg back to ‘disengage’ Fleygur’s hindquarters and he stopped. I didn’t have to be strong, just accurate and quick. I did it. Thank you Roger for this extra tool in my kit bag. After a short break we carried on with our ride and sure Fleygur was a bit on his toes and fiesty but he did listen to me and his clear four beat tolt is lovely to ride.

I am still struggling to comes to terms with my loss. I feel unbelievably sad. Some people say I am being brave, or that I shouldn’t try to be brave but I am not doing either, I am just trying to deal with is, accepting what can not be changed even though my heart rails against it. The simplest tasks are really hard to start and even harder to complete and often when I am not expecting it the tears flow. The Celebration of Rogers life with his family and friends is not until 1st June and I know that I have a long way to go to deal with my grief but every day my interactions with the horses give me some peace and some smiles. It was a strangely emotional thing to get on Rogers horse, last ridden by Roger the day he died, but I am so glad I did. Now I am going to start my own journey with Fleygur without Roger. I don’t know how we will do, how long it will take or if we will succeed but we are going to give it a try.

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The day a huge hole opened in my heart and in my life

I met Roger the same year I first met Icelandic horses and considered myself very lucky indeed to find a man who not only shared much of my outlook on the world, but was also as passionate about horses as I was, probably even more so. I quickly realised that in my 40’s I had finally met my true soul mate and we fell in love so quickly that it was painful to be apart almost immediately and we have spent little time apart since. Roger was romantic, passionate and sensitive. Of course as Roger would say “people are patterns” and I will not pretend that either of us always showed our best side to each other but we have remained close passionate and in love throughout.

Although I converted him to the joys of Icelandic horses very early in our relationship we were put off from buying them initially by the prices at the time. We did not then appreciate fully the special joy (and frustration!) to be gained from riding these gaited and spirited horses. He helped me buy my first horse Beanie (Big Fat Cob) and we searched for a suitable horse for him. This did not go at all well and after being thrown a couple times he finally converted from ‘Big horses’ and together we started our journey into the world of Icelandics, not just in the UK but travelling to ride in Iceland and to see these amazing little horses strut their stuff in World Championships in Germany and Denmark.

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Our first Icelandic horse Fleygur was something of a challenge both because of his anxiety issues and because of our inexperience but we preserved, got help and learned and grew as people and as riders. Fleygur had such personality and funny little ways I often imagined what he was saying and provide a ‘voice over’ Jonny Morris style much to Rogers amusement. With Rogers encouragement and having seen other ‘talking animal’ blogs on Facebook I set up the Little Viking Horse page and gave Fleygur his voice. My intention was to entertain with a positive, slightly funny portrayal of our horses with the hope of also educating people in the UK about Icelandics and promote interest in the breed. The website followed as a more effective way to provide the educative side and this provided space for my own voice too. I guess the writing urge hiding inside me had to come out sometime. The feedback and engagement I received from all over the world inspired me to continue and one year Little Viking Horse was even short-listed for a Social Media Award and he was later adopted by the Icelandic Horse Society GB on their website. I was amazed by the response I had but Roger remained my biggest fan and many many posts were tested on him first. I sometimes wondered what I would write when one of the horses died, how would I break the news? Would I still blog? If it were Fleygur would Svipur take over the mantel of Little Viking Horse?

On the evening of Saturday 7th May Roger my best friend, my husband and my soul mate died suddenly and unexpectedly. A huge hole had just opened in the middle of my world.

We had spent the Friday evening having a lovely meal with family and although Roger was still recovering from flu and a possible chest infection he was up in the morning to enjoy some archery with his sister and brother-in-law and then we all went for a ride. A lovely spring day and a beautiful ride, Roger and Fleygur did their super fast ‘bat out of hell’ tolting on the way home while the rest of us followed at a more sedate pace.

Back at the yard it was clear that Roger was now exhausted and after lunch we waved good-bye to his sister and her husband and went to bed for a nap. He was uncomfortable and a temperature check read 38.1. As a retired nurse he ran through his symptoms took paracetamol to lower his temperature and commented that if it wasn’t for the fact that we thought he had flu and a chest infection, which as someone with mild asthma he would often get if he had a bad cold or flu, he might feel a little more worried about how he was feeling. I might have been more worried too but he had been checked out that week. The previous Tuesday morning I had driven him to Accident and Emergency has he had complained of chest pain when we woke up. He reassured me all the way there that the most likely explanation was ingestion but he had never asked me to take him to hospital with indigestion before, so of course I was worried.  The ECG was normal, though his blood pressure was a little high so reassured we went home and he made an appointment to see his Doctor on the Thursday.

He spent much of Wednesday in bed and that evening he phoned the out of hours Doctors number to run through his symptoms again and seek a view about if he should go back to A&E, the conclusion was it could be flu and that he would probably be okay to wait and see his Doctor in the morning. On Thursday the Doctor checked with the hospital about his test results and could find nothing specific other than slightly high cholesterol (blood pressure was improved) so given the temperature which was lowered by paracetamol flu seemed the most likely explanation. The slight discomfort in his chest, a chest infection. A high temperature is not, Roger and the Doctor told me is not a symptom that would indicate a cardiac problem.

We talked about the dream home we were about to buy and settled on a Nordic style sitting room. Roger said that although he felt like shit he didn’t feel like sleeping and would go and watch some television. I stayed in the bedroom and had a short nap. I don’t know for how long, but when I woke up I got dressed and walked through to the sitting room. Roger was lying on the sofa, not with his head propped on a cushion to watch the TV, though the TV was on but flat on his back with his mouth open just like when he snores. Roger, I said. No response. I shook him a little ‘Roger’ I said more loudly my own heart rate increasing. Nothing. He was warm but he wasn’t breathing. ‘Roger’ I screamed and ran barefoot to my neighbour bursting straight into their home ‘help me help. Roger’ though I felt I could barely speak.

My neighbour, a nurse performed CPR but even as I tried mouth to mouth I could hear Rogers voice in my head saying ‘there is no point in breathing air into the lungs if the heart is not pumping the oxygen round the body’. An ambulance had been called and I grabbed some shoes and both our mobile phones but as we waited I realised it was already too late. I went in to shock and a haze of disbelief descended over me. This can’t be happening. Roger don’t leave me. I love you.

The ambulance arrived. I called my brother ‘I need you’ ‘I’m on my way’.  CPR, adrenaline I don’t know what else and as they worked a glimmer of hope rose in me, but then I noticed they did not use the defibrillator, it’s no use if there is no electrical activity at all. It has to be used immediately. They could not get a tube down his throat, there was no response. He was gone. I was numb.

I wailed when the undertakers took his body away, I have cried some since, but I have not yet sobbed. I know it will come.

It’s been just over a week. My family, friends and neighbours have been amazing. I was immediately surrounded by people sorting things making decisions trying to feed me, hugging me and just being there but I wanted to do each step of the formal processes around Rogers death myself, on my own. I don’t know why I just did. I spoke with the Doctor, took to call from the Coroner confirming the cause of death as a massive heart attack, registered the death and started the plans for the celebration of Rogers life.

Some people told me not to think about the future right now just take one day at a time but that’s not how I work. I lay awake all the first night thinking through all the things I had to make decisions on. I was frightened to sleep I thought if I did I would dream that Roger was still alive and then would have to face the terrible reality all over again. One of the many things I thought about that night was will I ever blog again? What becomes of Little Viking Horse, not just the Facebook page, but all the horses? Roger and I were a team, I went out to work and he did everything else, everything. How will I cope?

I knew at least that I had to let people know what had happened, and for so many of us social media and Facebook is just another part of the way we communicate now. Fleygur’s voice was and still is silent in my head and anyway this post needed to be from me. Once I was sure that family and close friends had been informed I posted the news on my own Facebook and then on Little Viking Horse.

I was blown away by the response, on both my personal account and on Little Viking Horse. I received so many messages of support, love and encouragement and a few women private messaged me to tell me about losing their husbands in similar ways and offering me comfort and hope. I am very glad they did. People often say in situations like this “Nothing I can say will help but…..” But it does, it really does help and I thank everyone who contacted me in this way.

I realise this is a very public thing to do to blog about the death of the man that I loved and so soon when I am still raw and struggling to come to terms with what has happened, but this was not a private happening Roger had touched many people and Little Viking Horse appears has done the same. It is out there, people know and many people care. I can’t do the British ‘stiff upper lip’, close the curtains, shut people out, don’t talk about it. It’s not me. I don’t consider the many many kind words and offers of support as intrusions. Of course I cry when people speak to me and they say how sorry they are but I need to cry, it’s part of the process I have to go through and it has helped me hugely to hear peoples stories of how Roger gave them some advice they valued, encouraged them or their children, was kind or made them laugh.

I have not been able to face dealing with any of our affairs, car registration, banks or anything else. I know I need to get these things done and I need to prepare myself for going back to work but for now I am still numb, my memory is shot to pieces, I cry as soon as I see someone who I last saw before Roger died and I can’t concentrate properly. I don’t feel confident enough to drive and I haven’t been able to listen to the radio, watch TV or play music, so I guess I am not yet ready for the whole reality of life without Roger.

What I do know is the only time I have felt anywhere near normal in these first few days is when I have been with the horses, just getting done what needed to be done for them. On Sunday I rode for the first time and I know that the horses will be an important part of me getting through this. I don’t know how I will manage with them all yet but they will be part of my journey.

I wasn’t sure when I posted the news of Rogers death on the Little Viking Horse page whether that would be the last post I ever made, but the writer inside me was already writing in my head and gradually I realised it wasn’t a choice I was making, I had to write. This webpage allows me to voice my thoughts and I know that gradually Fleygur’s voice will return to me and his joyful, self centred musings will continue on Little Viking Horse.

Roger wanted me to write this blog, he loved it. It will continue.

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Celebrity Life Style Part Two – It’s all about Boot Camp

Celebrity Life Style Part Two – It’s all about Boot Camp

I can do absolutely nothing for hours and hours but unfortunately doing nothing is not an option as Spring approaches. This is not, I have to point out because I am “full of Spring grass” or My Mare Gydja is “in season” or any other equine related biological explanation. No, the excessive level of activity in the Spring months is all created by a devious human invention. Boot Camp.

My Mate Roger tells me it’s preparation for the Shows and calls them ‘clinics’ but whatever cuddly supportive name he wants to give them it basically means being dragged all over the country in the Stable on Wheels and then having to go round and round in circles while various humans comment on the finer points or otherwise of my gaits. My gaits are fine just the way they are Thank You!

Home again its me

Various tricks can be used to deter the humans from taking you Boot Camp. There are obvious annoyances like losing a shoe just before said event or going ‘a bit lame’, though it has to be said that these are more a case of happen-stance than careful planning on my part. More often than not I have to accept that the Boot Camp experience has to be endured but no one said I had to endure it quietly. I make it my habit to shout, often and loudly to my mates. As a result of this behaviour My Mate Roger decided on one occasion that it was a good idea to take me to Boot Camp on my own, I was not impressed. I shouted all though the night even though there were other horses nearby and My Mate Roger was camped right next to me. By the morning I was a bit tired and My Mate Roger hadn’t got much sleep either. I don’t think My Mate Roger was happy with my performance on the track that day as this silly plan has never been repeated and one of my herd always accompanies me now when I go away.

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My Mare Gydja has her own clever method for making the humans look silly. It basically involves performing perfectly the very thing your human has identified as ‘the issue’ on the first ask at Boot Camp. She went to Boot Camp a few years ago as a ‘four gaited horse who possibly due to an injury as a youngster didn’t like to tölt’. The Woman wanted her assessed to decide whether to accept that the tölt was lost or whether it could be trained back. ‘Let’s see you try the tölt’ said the trainer. She watched for a minute and then gave her verdict. ‘Nothing wrong with that tölt at all’. The Woman was dumbfounded. For an encore My Mare Gydia showed flying pace when asked to canter round the corner of the school which is not bad for a ‘four gaited’ horse! She’s a clever mare who likes to keep the humans guessing. I have my own version of this trick. I spent years pretending to My Mate Roger that I was such a tolt machine that I couldn’t trot.

There are some benefits of Boot Camps though. Fleygur Fans come to visit and give me treats, I get to stare meaningfully at the tent entrance so that the humans feel obligated to feed me hay as soon as they get up, still wearing their pyjamas

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….and then there’s the horse whisperer. She dispenses wise words and wisdom to My Mate Roger but what she whispers to me is for my ears only and I’m not telling.

Check out what she says at 3mins 30secs

Boot Camp season approaches!

Read “Celebrity Lifestyle Part One” Here https://littlevikinghorse.com/2015/03/01/a-celebrity-lifestyle-part-1-its-all-about-food/

 

2015 Rider Rankings Announced

The Icelandic Horse Society of GB has announced the Rider Rankings for 2015 and through my amazing talents My Mate Roger is ranked first in the FIPO Elementary Four Gait. Maybe that will stop all the musing about retiring me from competition, it’s quite exhausting all this ‘will we, wont we take him to the shows’. Blondie helped the Woman achieve first place in the non-FIPO Elementary Tolt too, so he must be following my example.

The GB Ranking is a comparison of results of the Icelandic Horse Society of GB members at sport events. After every competition a new ranking list will be computed by taking the result of a rider in any discipline (FIPO (and/or World Ranking), non-FIPO or Gæðingakeppni) and is based upon the average of the best results with any horse in the respective discipline over a certain number of years. Riders have to go on competing to keep their position in the ranking list. The results used for the calculation per rider may be achieved at different events with different horses. At the end of each year, the highest ranking rider in each class is announced

Okay, I get it, the horses do all the work and the riders get the praise!

For more details on the GB Rider Rankings Click here

Apparently though I am going to the shows this year and My Mate Roger is already talking about getting me fit, I have a horrible feeling this is likely to mean more Boot Camps too.

003Fleygur Ranking 3Roger and Fleygur 2015 RankingCatherine and Svipur 2015 ET Ranking